It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
