He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
