If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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