I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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