so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
