We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
