I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
