That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
