Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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