I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
