so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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