he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
sarcasm needs its own font
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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