You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
