I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
