So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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