I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
