did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
