I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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