i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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