dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
