I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
