3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
