don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
