Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
