the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
