Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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