as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
