idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
