Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
