that's an acceptable place to lick
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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