why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
