im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
