My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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