I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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