Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
