butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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