how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
