how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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