3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
