Kiss
Puke
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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