You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You smell like stripper and shame
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
