Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
