I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
