i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
