Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
