There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
