I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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