He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
