The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
