i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
