They should really pass out barf bags in church
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
