It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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