the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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