Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
